Christmas 08 at Pat and Debbie's

Love to all of you from both of us!
Babette and Ralph

Holy Cow :)

Holy Cow indeed, Babette your trip sounds awesome! Congratulations Selim on being all of the host you bragged to be!
Anne, Chris, Steve, Emily what a great Christmas photo though I was confused by the "Dom"? and the Christmas Pyramid? Please explain...
Gifts with address now available, anything special from the rural south?
Why honey child we have Pecans in all sorts of fancy flavors as well as blueberry salad dressing, cinnamon syrup to add to all sorts of goodies, moon pies and roasted peanuts (I'd offer raw peanuts but I've sent some to Debbie to boil and one package got there OK but another was molded ~peeyew ~stinky I have no doubt). Give me some clues as looking at the calendar you'll be lucky to get New Years Gifts ladies ;-) Hugs from the lost sister, Bernadette
p.s. for those who knew I'd gone through a significant testing ordeal I've been diagnosed with just a teensy bit of arthritis in a couple of spots and everything is A-OK (or soon to be I hope:-) As Anne would say Ciao ~ ya'll.

Address

So, a couple of you have asked. Here is our current address:

CMR 405 Box 1713
APO AE 09034

That's it. Send presents!! ;)

Trier w/Jocelyne, Anne & us

You can see the "Dom" behind us and a bit of the giant Christmas pyramid, a classic decoration. You can see we enjoyed the day very much.

Have some tolerance of my "creativity" with the colors of this blog, I'm getting into the holiday spirit! I promise I'll revert back to more normal appearance next month. (Yes, I'm talking about the blog.)

Visit with Selim

Had to hit the ground running when I came home from Sacramento so I couldn't post about my visit with Selim until this weekend. We were busy with both "little" Denise and her entire family and Phil - all had come to see Dad. Of course, I had to go back to school, too!

I arrived in Sacramento very late on the night before Thanksgiving. By the time Selim and I got to his house in Rancho Cordova (a suburb outside of the city), it was after midnight, so we went straight to bed! He, himself, had just driven in from San Francisco after work so he, too, was tired. I did greet his room mates and their Moms, however!

The next morning we went to Selim's favorite breakfast haunt - a place called Crepeville! We had wonderful brewed tea and melt-in-your-mouth banana bread. Since we were going to have a huge Thanksgiving dinner, we kept it "light". Then, we sat for a couple of hours and just talked - it was an opportunity to bond like we haven't had in years! Selim gave me a tour of Sacramento via his cool sports car (a Mazda RX 8). The city is called the Tree Capital of the country - and it's easy to see why. What I loved was it was in full fall foliage and the colors were gorgeous! The tree-lined streets were breathtaking - especially having just come from the desert!

We returned home and found Kerry, Rhonda (Kerry's fiance), and their Moms in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner which they announced wouldn't be ready until late in the afternoon. The menu consisted of turducken (hope I spelled that right) which is about the weirdest thing I've ever seen - a turkey stuffed with duck and chicken as well as the turkey meat!!!! Someone in Louisiana created this oddity. In any case, it turned out to be very good - the meat was moist and tender. Sides included mashed potatoes, cornbread stuffing, asparagus, cranberry sauch and macaroni cheese! The meal ended with pumpkin pie, sweet potoato pie and ice cream. Wow! Quite a feast! By the way, I just ordered a thank you gift for both Kerry and Rhonda from Eagle Ranch Pistachio Farm (in Alamogordo) and mailed it to them. Of course, both Moms have returned home - Kerry's Mom lives in Milwaukee (Selim met Kerry in Madison, WI when he worked there and invited him down to work with him), and Rhonda's Mom lives in upstate NY. Before dinner was ready, I took a walk in the neighborhood, and then another walk with Kerry's Mom, and Kerry and Rhonda and their dog - according to my pedometer, I walked over 4 miles altogether! I figured that entitled me to try both pies!! LOL

The next day, after having lunch at a very nice restaurant in Sacramento, Selim and I took off to Lake Tahoe which is only about two hours away. After we settled in at the Hyatt Regency, we walked along the edge of the lake and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. That evening we ate at a wonderful restaurant - I had the most delicious shank of lamb. We were both in giddy moods so we ended up laughing a lot - why is it when one is giddy, just about everything seems funny?!! LOL

We got back to the hotel and Selim decided to head down to the casino while I opted to settle in with a book. However, I think I fell asleep pretty quickly -woke up next morning around 9, had breakfast with Selim (another wonderful meal - one of the best breakfast buffets I've ever had - and Selim concurred!). By the way, Selim works in San Francisco 1/2 a week, and Sacramento the other half of the week. While in SF, they put him up at the Hyatt Regency which is why he opted for the Hyatt at Lake Tahoe.

Anyway, we had a great time and as I said, the trip was truly a bonding experience for both of us! He treated me like a queen! Even on the flight home, I hadn't gotten my boarding pass until I had arrived at the airport, but was nevertheless the first to enter the plane as Selim had gotten me "business select" tickets - which also entitled me to a glass of wine! I sipped the wine while reflecting on my visit - and thought about how lucky I am that Selim is my son! : )

The timing was good, too, as there is a strong possibility he'll be working in Dubai next year - he's currently in discussion with the CIO of the hospital there which means he'd be doing the same kind of work he's doing now - placing the entire hospital system under one computer network.

I will have to post pix later as I had forgotten the digital camera and ended up buying a throw-away camera - I still have to finish the roll so I can develop it! : (

Babette

4 December

Happy Birthday Debbie!

~December 2nd~

Happy Birthday Phil!!

a special thank you to Anne and Chris

Just want to let both Anne and Chris know that Martha was thrilled to receive the chocolates and card from both of you! She was quite touched, especially by the words you both expressed on the card. Martha also showed me where the card is displayed at the home for all to see.

Mom was also touched by the 1919 circa "photo album" of Reims which Chris found in an antique shop in Belgium. She has shared it with everyone who enters the house!

As for what's been happening here lately, Pat took Dad to vote on Tuesday and then took him to see Mom where they all shared a pizza. Ralph and I took Dad out for "brunch" today in honor of Veterans' Day. Mom didn't join us as she hasn't been feeling well these past few days.

We are tentatively planning to celebrate Thanksgiving with Mom and Dad at Pat and Debbie's. Haven't worked out all the details yet.

Babette

Congratulations For OBAME...?

Congratulations for those that voted for OBAMA....

(Although I don't agree with a lot of his policies etc)...I guess he'll have to do since I
doubt anyone will challenge our voting system...after this election,right?... It's already been proven that Bushes election was rigged... who's to say this wasn't done the same...? Good Luck, OBAMA and good luck for those that voted him in...

PS (If he were as good as he says he is -"wanting change"- then he should first off investigate the present "electoral-electronic" voting machines in this country...to verify their legitimacy and request a congressional investigation etc... I'm dead serious on this issue...! :-( )

This is a recently discovered old photo of Anne and I, back in the day. . . ;-)

(Small Postscript:) :-)

...Forgot to mention it was Mom & Dad that took Petra out as a gesture of Thanx ...
(This is where the idea came from...I think we should follow suit...)

Hence if there are those that prefer "Snail Mail"...(supporting your local PO...Ha!)
Here's her mailing address:

5221 Sun Valley
(same zip as Mom)


(Thanx again Gang...) :-)

...Hey Gang...Heard the latest....?! ;O)

...I'm relating this to the family for a couple of reasons... First off November 4 (national presidential erection) is coming up on us soon enough and it really is time to consider who you are voting for the next president of our ole USA...

Please vote if nothing more...just make sure you do your homework and you're are sure of your choice...it's so important and don't take this lightly...(I was glad to hear that Bernadette did her voting already, as have I also & voting Republican
FYI...) Good luck on your decisions and chose wisely...(Enough said on that.)

Now on Matters of the HEART.... An update with Mom, she is doing well and still gaining wait almost daily...she has good humor and now waits anxiously her
"Care Giver" (Did I get that right, Ralph...?)... Her memory has improved greatly
(short term) and overall she is really in the positive more than she has been in long time... she sees Dad more often now and they have even gone out to eat etc... (The Village Inn) ... Now with that said and done let's talk about Dad...

Dad has also been doing well, of course he's still in his wheel chair, but otherwise
his spirits are much higher than the past; mostly due to Mom's more frequent visits and going out together etc... I can't tell his current medical condition; but
hopefully it may have improved somewhat due to his more regular nurse visits he has now (which he didn't have before...shame on us.).... So you see not to get your hopes up but things are "looking" much better for now... And yes I do expect Dad to see several more B-Days down the road... For those that have been praying Thanx a whole lot 'cause it's been working & for those that have been staying in touch pretty regular by phone THANX also for this and anything else that might have helped THANX, THANX, THANX... 'cause of these things even though small has helped in some form or way...

And many many THANX to Babette, Patrick,
Debbie, & last (but nut least) RALPH (my dear brother :o)... )

I'll tell you another THANX we owe because of her great endurance & patience etc. our "Care Giver,"...Petra. I'm making a "FAMILY" request...
(for those that read this blog to send her a simple message of THANX for all her efforts she has made (& many you are not aware above & beyond; not only what is required of her...she is truly a Godsend, I believe...)
Her email is:
Pertravipec@aol.com
...Thanx everyone for all your support, efforts and regular contacts with Mom & Dad....etc.

Love You All Dearly...

-Bernard-

* (No, Pat I'm not "deluded"...just getting older; know what I mean?...)
** (Don't be afraid to send Mom an occasional email...you might just be surprised...-just keep it 'short & sweet'-)
*** (Last time: "Don't forget to VOTE everyone...! ;O) *

Fall

Pictures of what we see these days. The scarlets were brightest a week before, but it was raining all the time. I will never be tired of how pretty it is here. Cudos to Babette for getting all her vacation photos uploaded. I got some prints from Snapfish of our various trips, they were good as well as fast.

We haven't been doing alot. Finally finished the fence so Beau can go out unsupervised. It was trial and error as neither of us knew what we were doing, but using Michelle's husbands trick with the metal rods instead of setting posts made it easier.

Still no job for Em. She got an interview for the Child Center, but that's not looking promising. She's doing fine with her online class, but really is bored being home. I wish I could do something about it. Last Sunday I dragged her out of bed at an ungodly hour for an adventure in antique hunting. The biggest antique market in Europe is 2 hours from here in Tongren, Belgium. We took off at 5:30 AM! The fog was bad all week, and it slowed me down so we got there at 8:00. Amazing how many vendors - this is definitely the grandaddy of all shows. You name it, it was there. There are also quite a few antique shops, which I didn't get to see. We spent 4 hours going from stall to stall (two indoor warehouses and the main street, a marketsquare and a winding side street. Fun! Emily wants to go back for more waffles. I didn't find the sideboard I'm looking for, so the hunt is still on.

And we are back! Our provider put a new tower on "A" Mountain so hopefully we will have more consistent service now. So email away!

Just a short post to let you all know Patrick and I are experiencing technical difficulties with our internet service. It has been down for almost 2 weeks now. Hopefully we will be back on-line by the end of this week. So if you have sent us an e-mail in the last 2 weeks we probably have not seen it.....please don't think we are ignoring you!

Keeping the Family Blog Alive

Hi, all,
Since the blog has been "dormant" for a while, I thought I'd post an entry to revive it! I am happy to report that all is well on the home front. Mom had completely warmed up to Petra - I would venture to say that they are fast becoming close friends! Wow! What a transformation that is! Dad is holding his own, too. It's nice not to have to report any crisis for a change...

This weeks marks mid-semester already - we're on the quarter system which means report cards only come out every nine weeks. My work load is still not bad but now that I've taken on the French Club, I'm finding myself busier than I had anticipated but it's also fun! I just "survived" Homecoming Week. The French Club had a fund-raiser during Powder Puff football and the Bonfire - selling "Chocolate Mousse Sundaes" - and what a hit it was! We completely sold out!! However, I was at school that day from 8 a.m. until nearly 9 p.m. - a very long haul to say the least! Our next fundraiser will be Nov. 1 at the Anthony annual fiesta. On October 21, we'll be having "un repas francais" - a French luncheon - put on by our very own GHS culinary arts dept (they have swept the state awards for the last few years!). Our menu consists of: quiche lorraine, fruit, salad and creme brulee - with a demonstration for the club members by the culinary arts students.

Ralph and I are looking forward to next week when we will spend several days in the Sacramento Mountains near Cloudcroft - at the Ravin Winds Ranch (at a couples' spa retreat!). We've decided to pick up some of the great wines at Eagle Ranch Pistachio Farms on the way up to the mountains - and have a wonderfully relaxing R & R. Also want to get in some hiking as I've not kept up with my exercise routine the last few weeks - so hard to "get going" when I come home from a full day of teaching! In mid-November during a three day weekend, we're also going on a spiritual retreat at the Pecos Benedictine Abbey - just north of Santa Fe where I used to go (Mom and Dad took Phillip there several times when he was young). These short 'get-aways' are just what we need to re-energize -though in some ways, it's difficult to make long term plans as we never know when the next crisis with Mom or Dad will be...

The kids are doing fine. Deniz is doing OK with her diabetes management even though each time she gets sick (comes with the job of being a first grade teacher!), her numbers go crazy. This is truly an on-going learning experience for her but fortunately she's a very fastidious learner. Selim is financing a franchise for Mat - a frozen yogurt enterprise in San Antonio (forgot the name of it but they've taken off in other parts of the country and are non-existent in the Texas Hill Country). Let's hope it takes off in San Antonio as well...

Ok...that's the family news. Not sure how many of you will read this since some seem to have not caught on how to use the Blog. I still think it's a great idea, Chris! We may have to be more pro-active in teaching the finer points of blogging...

Ciao! Salut! Auf weidersehn!

Babette

Sept. 16th Dr Appointment

I took your father, or Art if you may, to the doctor today. When the nurse brought him in for a workup he weighed in at 145 lbs (66 kilos). His blood pressure was 79/46, 80/41 and 79/49, she took the readings three times because she couldn't believe that it was that low. His blood oxygen was 89 and finally when up to 92. Pulse was 96.

When he saw the doctor the obvious concern was the low blood pressure which the doctor said is causing his kidneys to fail. The doctor took him off of one of his two high blood pressure medicines and believes this should help raise his pressure. After reviewing his discharge papers from his last hospital stay the doctor stated that he was not going to do anything aggressive at this time and that he wanted to see him in 30 days for blood work and more tests on his kidney functions. The doctor told us that the low blood pressure was a concern but not in the danger range. The VA will send the home an appointment letter for his Dr and lab test times.

Ralph

Although surveys show that 90 percent of Americans hope to die at home, only 20 percent get their wish. The majority die in hospitals. Only 17 percent die in hospices, where the focus of care is on keeping the patient comfortable rather than on prolonging life.

I just want to put it out there that, after reading a few stories of families who couldn't agree when the time for medical intervention is at an end, I would like to know that we all will stand together and allow our parents' their wish for a peaceful passing. I can think of nothing worse than conflict between us during such a time. I open the door now to your comments, please.

Oh yeah, life goes on
long after the thrill of livin' is gone.
- John Cougar (Mellencamp)

I remember as a boy running for the simple joy of running. Now I can’t remember the last time I broke stride, just for the joy of running (even before I lost that ability). When did I lose that joy, that thrill? What others have I lost over the years? Which ones are waiting to be put down?

I try to think of things to say to Mom and Dad to motivate them to do the things I think they need to be doing in order to slow their regression, and get frustrated by their lack of cooperation. I want it simply to be a matter of choice, a decision that they have made. If it is a conscious decision, then maybe they can be convinced to change their minds. Then maybe it’s something that I can do something about. I’ve always wanted life to be that way.

I still do; It still isn't; Is it?

Girls' Weekend

This was the delayed celebration trip to Paris for Emily's high school graduation. We took the train and arrived around mid-day Saturday. Saturday afternoon was spent visiting the Orsay, Notre Dame, and wandering Rive Gauche. Sunday most of the day we were at Versailles, where Emily fulfilled her dream of driving a golf cart all over the gardens (honestly,she was just as excited to do that as to be in Paris). Later that night, we went over to the Tour Eiffel to see it all lit up - fabulous! - and took a boat tour of the Seine. Monday morning we stopped at Montmarte, before we got back on the train to come home. A perfect girls' weekend, thanks to Steve for staying home with Beau.

....DAD's B-DAY....(Together)...

Well, needless to say my trip was uneventful...but good overall... Weather was somewhat warm in beginning & very cooling the more I got closer to El Paso...(especially after Ft. Stockton)...Must have had something to do with "GUSTAV"..possibly...?

Anywho, got to EP between 2100h & 2130h...end up in doing a 'lil shopping for Dad & myself; and tried to get a snack after @ "Chico's Tacos" on Zaragosa (N side of I-10)... But to my dismay(basically I said "shit" out loud several times there outside the restaurant...attracting some attention...not much.) as I found out they ONLY take cash...(shit, shit, shit...) So, I decided "hell with this ..." and ended up at "Taco Bell" just down the street (ate burrito Supreme)...

Well, before I knew it it was already becoming late & decided to stay at "The PETRO" just down the road & sleep it off for few hours... When I came to...it was about 0430h; so, decided to go into restaurant & have a hot tea watched some TV to catch up on "GUSTAV" to see what I missed; by then it was getting on 0700h... I decided it would be good to freshen up a bit before going anywhere else...

After that I decided it would be good to visit Dad & wish him"Happy B-Day" and give his present (oatmeal & grits, his favorites...was hoping to give it in time for his breakfast...no such luck, though...) at same time, and I did just that; stayed a few minutes and told him I'd be back later in the day to take him out to eat...(or something...)

After I decided to visit Babette & Ralphs' ; since I knew they were back from San Antonio...I found only Ralph (just a 'lil disappointed, Babs wasn't there to find out she was already at work) ... Anywho, Ralph was great hostess & caught me up on family news, not going into anything real deep, but did catch me up on many topics concerning Mom & Dad, of course..and some processes on going right now & some minor details... (I told Ralph that I thought they (-meaning: Ralph, Babette & Pat & Debbie were doing excellent job as a whole; as I could tell...) I also expressed that as soon as this "Guardianship"process(which might take 6-12 months) is completed I feel all the family will be better off (especially Mom & Dad) ... So much burden will be released etc... (for example: Mom, more recently was asking Babette how to write a check....to give you some idea...)

Anywho, all that aside I ended up taking a "short" nap there at their place & got up finally at approx. 1430h...(that was overdue & needed...really helped me, THANX Ralph...really great hostess...!)

So, after that went to Mom's place & meet new "Caretaker",(Petra) a real nice person to talk to...(mentioned she had lived in Austin many years back...with family etc.) She left 'lil after 1500h. So, after talking more with Mom I decided (about 1545h) it was time to get cleaned & ready to go get Dad at his place of domicile etc...

Finally after up here I arrived at 1655h. and took Dad to restaurant without adieu...and to my pleasant surprise there were maybe 20 people in restaurant there feeding their faces (since I hate crowds anyway)...Well, Dad and I sat down near everything (the kitchen, the bar; the bathroom...etc) and we were happy, I think...at least it seemed that way to me... Right away we (I) ordered us some beer (regardless what everyone might think; I'm really NOT an alcoholic...okay?)...Dad milkedhis beer while I had only 6 throughout the meal...OKAY?

By the way we got there @ approx 1650h. and after ordering "ordurv's" (sp)(sausage bites w ranch & BB-Que sauce) ; maybe 1800h started to order our main dish...(I think Dad must have made "several holes" in the menu as hard as he looked at it trying to remember what he ate last time with Pat ...I found out later...)...to know avail I took charge and decided to order for Dad... Dad got brisket "special" with baked potato & it came with "Texas Caviar" (as it was called) simply it was fruit coleslaw & sweet beans...way too much for Dad, of course...But, he did enjoy the meal; personally, I think he enjoyed being "out" more than anything...

I feel he was a 'lil saddened that more family wasn't there...even though I did try to keep his humor up...best I could... I mentioned Pat might be there & got message during meal he was at his doctor's office and would be home early evening etc... (of course Babette was still at work etc...)... So in that respect, I'm glad I could at least take Dad out at all... I explained all this to Dad & seemed to understand what I said; but...there was still some sadness in his eyes...I wish I could have done something to take away that & I seemed to have been powerless in that area...?

We ended the meal with a small desert given by restaurant...with a candle...(which Dad let burn after he took his first bite...) I had to remind him I wasn't ready to take him to the hospital for a burnt lip (or soimethin') ; so, told him before he took another bite to make wish & "blowout the candle....please!" and we both laughed together...During that process I found time to take few fotos...(and my batteries died...what can I say? As you can see above...Thanx to God, right?)

After all that we finally arrived at Mom's house to find that Mom was already asleep in bed... (What else could go wrong, folks...?) So, I told Dad I would take him to his "quarters" so he could retire & not be locked out for past his curfew...ha, ha...(he chuckles..) Dad said that's fine except I need to go number #2 in the " 'lil Boys" bathroom...(this was approx. 1930h.) Well, I helped Dad set his butt on the shitter and told him to give me a buzz since I'd be watching the "McCain Convention" in meanwhile...(our next President to be; I'm sure everyone knows already!)Dad seemed okay with that...(of course, I checked with him every so often...)

Finally at around 2040h. Mom woke-up to find what the noise was about etc... Then was flabbergasted that Dad had been sitting there on the toilet more than half hour & not having much "success" at his efforts & patience etc... Finally Mom just said: how are you going to get back in the house on; won't it be locked...?" Dad response: "...Oh, it's okay, WE'll break the door down if WE have too...!" Mom, laughed with Dad...!Well, a few minutes later Mom convinced Dad to finish his "business" so I could take him "home"... and we did that finally...

While taking Dad "home" I ask when was the last time he had an enema...and his reply was he couldn't remember... I told him I think it would be good to get it at least once a weak ...and besides if I had someone stick something up my butt I'd surely remember... (he chuckled)...and said yeah maybe so...

Finally we arrived at destination...brought Dad inside (with no problems)... Vero was there (night nurse) and I explain Dad's dilemma to relay to Martha to consider maybe doing something about Dad's "empacking" situation.... After having taking him to his room...I gave Dad update on what I told Vero and he said "okay"... Gave Dad a hug & kiss and wished him a Happy Birthday, once more... and wished him a good night. (then left for Mom's house.)

-END OF STORY-
---------------------------------------------------------------
My feelings overall about this experience with Dad was great...(with or without the stool problem) ...It just saddens me that it's so hard sometimes to think one day we'll have to let go both of them...I hope in our hearts we think positive about all this after they are gone we can really appreciate that much more how much they've done for always...Also, if we think to remember mostly that their pain & suffering will all disappear when it said and done....I've known them the longest and I can never be grateful enough for what they've done & are doing for me (us)now......................................

-Love To All-

(Bernard)

02/09/08

The saddest thing after I'd read your blog, Patrick, was that I'd spoken to mom around 11 am(8pm my time) She was all excited about having recieved the box for dad---though I did tell her there were some things in it for her as well---and she 'd told me how she had put it away until dad's birthday. I had told her that I'd spoken to dad Friday morning(after 6pm here) and told him he would be receiving his Bday gift at mom's through the mail as Chris and I had gotten together on that. And we went on and on about what was in the box and what not....What I'm wondering is...she was so well (we spoke both French and English and she even said something to me in German). I talked to her about how we are expecting a visit from Guy and Michele Tondeur towards the end of the month......She was concerned about not having heard from Bernard since, early morning, I think. I could only tell her that I had read an email(did not go into the detail about the blog here on that point) that he was leaving. She told me about Babette/Ralph being up at Deniz's. All in all we chatted about half an hour altogether. I realized though when I spoke about our boys that I was "overtaxing" her. I mentioned that Brian was off for a month of surfing on the atlantic coast of Spain/Portugal(with his girlfriend, Sarah) She asked me if he was married. Then I spoke of Robin......then she asked me if he were older or younger than Brian. I came to realize that our "talk" had gone on too long....she excused herself and told me she "had to hang up to go somewhere".
I'm therefore wondering about two things actually. First question: isn't there a difference between wearing the patch which I assume, distributes the dosis gradually but continually as compared to a tablette taken once daily? Or do I lie entirely wrong here?
And second: I 'm sort of confused about not hearing about Bernard having arrived in EP....did he change his mind? I mean, I had had no idea that he was heading there, then he wrote that he was on his way(as I understood it) and then....nada!
Well, as for here....work is awful....way too much...yesterday I started at 8 am...worked thru until 18:45, left the office with my last(hand therapy) patient and forgot to lock up! I was just exhausted and forgot. Of course everytime now I forget something, no matter how stressedout I am......I start to worry some......
But I guess that's just me...in a word....ms. worry-wart. I 'm worring about Brian and Sarah. All these past years ( think its the 4th or 5th now) that he's gone down there...they've always been about 5 or 6 in a group....this year they've gone alone. And I think " what happens if he has an accident out on the water and Sarah, who doesn't surf, and is perhaps reading a book on the beach doesn't notice"......I know.....I know.....I need to relay more!
I guess I 'm frustrated, too, because I took it for granted I'd bea ble to talk to dad today to congratulate him...but I couldn't call from work...at least the system I use at home...using a prefix wouldn't work there. My boss has a contract with a phone company over his home phone number....something wierd. And when I finally got home, all I got was the answering machine, which doesn't even allow me to leave a message!!
I'm anxious to hear from Chris and Emily. Maybe I can drop by this weekend and see them for a short visit. That would be nice.
Now, its good bye ya'll. And I envy you all who can be there to congratulate dad in person...

This afternoon, I headed to Mom & Dad’s; Babette already having called to tell me that Monica had already taken Dad over there. I stopped at Albertsons to pick up a few groceries for Mom. It was packed and it took me a while to get back to the car. I also bought some things to make a light supper for the three of us.

When I got to Mom and Dad’s, Monica was still there. She told me right away that she and Mom had been searching the entire house and garage, looking for the box that had come in the mail from Chris and Anne for Dad. When I saw Mom, she was worn from worry. She was distraught that she could not remember where she had put the box. She continued her harried searching.

I joined the search and worked my way to Mom’s sewing room. There I found the box, in the bottom of the closet. Mom expressed immense relief, but then returned to her fretting again, repeating the question, “What am I going to do? I can’t remember anything anymore!” I turned to her and said, “That’s what we have Petra for.”

First her eyes went wide, and then she smiled from ear to ear, her face alight with delight. She took both my cheeks with her hands, brought me down to her face and kissed me.

The crisis over, Monica said her goodbyes and I put away the groceries. We went on to have a very pleasant visit. They both ate well; we had a good time and laughed.

We delighted in going over the contents of Dad’s goodie box, trying to translate ever word and identify every language on the boxes. We opened the mustard (Dad had to smell it, so I had to taste it – good!)

We identified as many photos as we could in the little digital photo displayer that Phil had sent Dad (later in the evening, after I had returned Dad to the foster home, Phil called me while I was picking up some things at Lowe’s to finish the dog house that I’m making for Aaron’s dog, Chuy. He was surprised that Dad had not waited for his birthday to open his present! {Phil, not Chuy} Phil may retire from the military, but the military will never retire from Phil! Actually, that’s probably not true either, because Dad opened his present before his birthday, didn’t he?!)

Well, so went my visit.

Patrick

...My Trip To....

Hey GUYS & GALS...

Just a 'lil heads up... By the time this reaches you I should either be on my way (on the road) to E.P. ; or, pretty much about to... to visit the "other" part of the

family (especially Mom & Dad, of course...they already know; not to get excited, ...okay?) ... I'll give you full update (day or so after my arrival...& decent net connection...etc...)

Well that's it for now, Gang... Hopefully I'll update my Saga on this blog soon enough for your enjoyment pleasure...(that sounds original, right?...)

Love To All...

Hang In There...!

-BC-


PS (Pray for those that have to prepare for "GUSTAF"...It's really sad
isn't it... Hope it doesn't affect Phill / Family..?)
---------------------------------------------------------------

Claire and Erin

Bernadette wanted to share this photo. Thanks Bernadette! I'm happy to put this up for you.

I can't believe how they've both changed since the last time I saw a picture.

An Update

Hi, All,
My time is becoming more and more limited since I've returned to school so my updates will probably be mostly on weekends, unless, of course, there are significant changes!

Mom started off this week on a negative note - on Monday, she tried to give Petra a check and told her once again not to come back as she didn't need her. Debbie and I decided to check out Desert Springs, an Alzheimer's facility on the West side of El Paso. Very nice place, and we liked what we saw. However, it's private and cost $3,600. per month - and they do not accept medicare or medicaid. Debbie says she will check out other facilities in Las Cruces as there are many more Alzheimer's facilities there than in El Paso. Ralph and I had dinner (Debbie's crab cakes were wonderful!) at Pat and Debbie's that evening and decided we need to wait and keep trying to get Mom to accept Petra as that is the best option for her at this time. However, we know that "down the road", she will be needing more intensive care as her illness progresses. The GOOD NEWS is the rest of the week went better insofar as Mom seems to be accepting Petra more now than at the beginning. We also think her meds are kicking in as it's been over a month now that we know she is taking them regularly (esp. the Exelon for her Alzheimer's). It's very likely that we will need to increase Petra's hours so that she is with Mom for most of the day. What you all need to know is Mom had not been bathing regularly, had not been changing her Exelon patch (she is now taking capsules as the patches irritated her skin), not eating regularly, making herself sick, and not taking care of herself nor the house. This is why we need someone to care for her. Most of this is due to her diagnosed illness (i.e. dementia and Alzheimer's). She has an appt with Dr. Crouse (her neurologist) on Sept. 12 in the morning. Debbie and Ralph will be taking her.

Please make efforts to contact and talk to Dad as his morale has been low since Mom's mental faculties continue to spiral downward. At times, she has hung up on him, saying she was too sick to talk to him. She is now on Nexium and this seems to be helping alleviate her "upset stomach" episodes considerably. In fact, her overall demeanor was much improved during this week (after the Monday episode).

Gotta get ready for church - may edit this later in the day after I see Mom and Dad today.

Postscript: Dad is not doing well. He in once again having trouble finishing a sentence and is becoming incoherent once again. He is now up to 5 liters of oxygen. His balance is also diminishing. We did pick him up and it took both of us to get him to the car and into the house. We'll be going a bit later to help him to the table so they can have lunch together. His next appt. with his primary care doctor is September 12 in the afternoon. Not sure yet who will be taking him there. Sorry the news regarding Dad is not so good...

Hudson Household

We have had a very interesting Saturday so far as Richard & Miki went skeet shooting this morning while I had to work and then we all went to a luncheon I planned for an old coworker.
Betty Dodd is 86 years old and just the end of last month finally fully retired. After her 80th birthday she retired from full time but only after she had arranged for a five year part time contract to continue running our amputee clinic. Something she had set up over 30 yrs ago when EAMC was still in wooden barracks like the old Beaumont when we were kids. The luncheon was a combination of retired therapist, PT,OT,Nurses and current PT staff both civilian and military. We all met in a back room at Carrabba's Italian Grill and she was brought there by her son and one of her two daughters thinking they were having a family lunch out. She was thrilled and we all had a good time. Richard & I had picked up a small book called "Better to age with attitude than die with dignity" lots of funny pictures and we encouraged everyone to pick a page and write a note. It was great! She will remember it well with the book and all the cute and sweet notes from everyone.
We are planning our (somewhat late) 25th Anniversary celebration spending a week at DisneyWorld and are looking forward to at least a short visit with Phil, Lis & the boys either on our way down or on the way back home whichever fits their schedule. Miki will take care of Baba while we are away (her grandmother here) as well as all the pooches.

This weekend turned out really well on more than one account. Friday was "organizational day" for the Landstuhl Dentac (which includes Baumholder), and as I mentioned earlier, it was at an amusement park. Steve had to work, but I took Emily with me. We enjoyed the company of some other contractors for the day - a couple of dentists and a hygienist (all of the same generation) and also a 16 year old boy who didn't feel like spending the day with his parents. It took some convincing, but Emily went with the boy, Dylan, and for the first time in her life rode a rollercoaster!! She was grinning ear to ear when she got off. It was a corkscrew type, and though not the biggest one they had, there is no way I'd ever get on it! I believe there is a Stafford gene that keeps us off those things, am I right? Which of you goes on these rides? This is a picture of it, "Superwirbel" - super whirl.

At the end of the day we drove the 30 min. or so over to Anne & Alfons', to celebrate Alfons' birthday. We spent the night, and did a little shopping for goodies in France the next day. I got help from Alfons in looking up the tickets for the new bullet train line that goes from Kaiserslautern to Paris in just 2 hours (by car almost 5 hours), and followed his tip on making the purchase over in France for a better price than what I'd pay in Germany. Anne of course did all the talking at the ticket window. So, thanks to the two of them Emily is getting her weekend in Paris! I also got help from our cousin Pierre, who I'd emailed with a request for recommendations for a hotel. http://www.hotel-palais-bourbon.com/ Isn't it great to be so well connected :) We'll arrive early afternoon Saturday and leave Monday afternoon on Labor Day weekend.

The Wedding / and an Update

Wow! What a wedding Ralph and I went to this week! Fascinating...and beautiful! The setting was the NM Farm and Ranch Heritage Museum which has the backdrop of the gorgeous Organ Mountains at sunset. The color theme was "hot pink" and black. Each table was adorned with a very long elegant vase with an arrangement of "hot pink" roses. The chairs and table linen had the same color theme. The wedding ceremony was a combination of Lakota Native American, Hispanic, and Christian traditions. The Lakota part of it was the most fascinating to me - it included flute music, a peace pipe, symbolic gifts, and water. The celebration also included a dinner and dance. Both Ralph and I enjoyed the uniqueness of the wedding ceremony. I also felt honored to be invited to such an occasion. However, I should add that not only did Dr. V and I work together to create and develop a successful program at the university, but we also became good friends. He has also offered to come to the high school to speak to my students (his own story is one they can relate to since he grew up in a very large and very poor Puerto Rican family in southside Chicago).

The Associate Dean of the College of Ed. was also there and when I introduced him to Ralph, he told him that my leaving was a great loss to the program. I had had my exit interview with him and let him know of my concerns regarding the changes in leadership and direction of the program. He had expressed regret about my leaving and had also asked if there was anything that would help me reconsider my decision. I had already interviewed at Gadsden and had made up my mind that I wanted to return to teaching. On that subject, I've now completed my first two weeks in the classroom and I do feel I've made the right decision. Of course, there are always some students who will attempt to challenge any new teacher - but what they don't seem to realize is that though I may be new to Gadsden, I'm actually a very seasoned educator! LOL

Mom is doing OK - and seems to be getting used to Petra being with her daily. She still has her moodiness, however, and when that happens, she "shuts down" - simply doesn't want to talk. We're hoping that once she feels more comfortable with Petra, that she will start confiding in her about her true feelings of the situation she is in. The main thing is she is no longer spending days of being isolated and alone. Though she fought the idea of this change in her life, we're hoping that she will become more and more accepting of the caregiver being with her.

Selim called this week and asked if we could all meet in San Antonio to be with Deniz during Labor Day Weekend. He even offered to pay for Ralph and my plane ticket!! So we will be taking a short trip to S.A. at the end of this month - it will be a nice break for us. I worked it out with Pat - they will be here that weekend and will be going with the Blettes to Gila Nat'l Park on the weekend of Sept. 20. Our next trip will be the week of October 12 since I have a week off from school (Fall Holiday). We may take the RV to Fort Davis State Park. If we go, it will be the sixth anniversary of our first trip there - in fact, it was the first trip we ever took together and was very much the event that cemented our relationship!

Sure would like to hear from all of you - this family BLOG has been way too quiet lately! : )

Family posts/ Ralph's birthday

Glad to see more and more family members posting. Hey, Pat, it's been a while since you wrote your first post - where are you?!! It would be nice if we could hear from some of the grandkids as well. The more, the merrier!!!

Today, in honor of Ralph's birthday, I made my "signature quiche" and a salad. Then we decided to take it over to Mom's since Dad was coming over (we picked him up so he could have lunch at the house). I had bought an Oreo Cream Pie which we had for dessert Monica came at that time with Communion for Mom and Dad so she also joined us for Ralph's b-day pie. Mom was in good spirits as she has been since Friday! So nice when she has her "good days"...Also found out that Dad fell at the home - lost his balance right in front of the TV. Fortunately, he only scraped his arm but it bled quite a bit so they had a thick bandage on it. He's looking a bit "drawn" today.

Last night we went to a Springfire Band Dinner Show at Great Land and Cattle. It's been ages since I've seen them perform, and Ralph never had. It was a fun evening! This week is a busy one - on Wednesday, we have a dinner at the Church Hall (yes, the same one where we had our wedding reception), and on Thursday evening we'll be attending a wedding dinner/dance at the New Mexico Farm and Ranch Heritage Museum in Las Cruces - a very nice place. Here's the link: http://www.nmfarmandranchmuseum.org/ It's the wedding of the son of Dr. Vazquez, my former boss at NMSU.

Let's all hope that Mom (and Petra), Dad, and the rest of us have a good week this week!!

You're not alone there, Bernadette.....

Bernadette, I know just how you feel! I, too, am not very "savy" as for this whole thing...I still have never learned how to load down pictures from my digital camera. I am at the mercy of Robin here. Alfons has never done it either, although I suppose he doesn't consider it such a challenge as I do(him working all day, practically on PCs). I have my theories about this all too. I know that I have a very low level of frustration-tolerance. I cannot begin to count how often I have written a whole email or whatever and at a moments wink of an eye..for whatever reason...poof! All disappeared! So, I do what I can....or know that I can do. I used to know how to make "attachments" with AOL. But we no longer have AOL(since Easter) and I have no idea how it works with my "web.de" provider. I am hesitant to admit any of these "backwoods-qualities" of myself, or should I say lack of because the reaction from others is like I am trying to shock them on purpose. I guess we all set our priorities and up until now more than "surfing" and emails just haven't been one of mine as for PCs etc. But who knows one day.....and yes, its not that I reject it altogether...because it is on my list (sort of long one, actually) of things "to do" (accomplish)still. Being a natural optimist, I am sure that one day will come. And I judge that amongst us siblings that Phillip is in our"league" there too, Bernadette. ;-)
Ok, gotta go and get the laundry..then its "cleaning" day for me...not so lucky to have a cleaning person to do it all for me....but "duty is duty" n'est ce pas :-))
ya'll have a good Sunday!
PS How many of you were able to watch the Olympic openings....I saw it Friday evening..and i was in AWE!!! I know...politically I 'm not awed by them at all...but WOW, what a show.. its those masses, incredible.

OK ya'll I'm tryin this but am not sure what will come up as I've made two comments already and can't see either of them. Please bare with me :) my family's teasing about how technologically challanged I am is not undeserved. Nothing really exciting here this week other than taking Richard's mom to meet her new doc at EAMC ~ that was actually a little funny and a little embarrassing all together. Then was challenged to track down the July petty cash for Jack which Richard & I were quite sure we'd dropped off but no one seemed to be able to find. It seemed all Jack had to do was threaten to bring me down there and it magically turned up, hmmm wonder what that means? I'm really a nice person, honest!
Our 103 degrees with 98% humidity really doesn't bring out the sweet part of me though ;)

This week's saga with Mom - and more!

Got home from school on Wednesday and Ralph told me that Mom had just called and asked to talk to me. Before I could dial her number, she called and immediately stated that I was to call Petra and tell her not to come again because 'she had reproached her about not bathing" and she was not going to accept that from a "maid"(it turns out that Petra had merely asked her if she had bathed this week). I told her that Petra is a caregiver - not a maid, and that if she was reminding her about bathing, then she was doing her job. Mom said she still wanted me to call her because she didn't want her at the house anymore. I told her since we had ALL signed an agreement ( Dad, Mom, Pat, Petra and me), that we all had to agree to any changes in the agreement. She said she did not know of any such agreement. I told her I had a copy of it and it had been signed last Sunday when we were at the house with Dad. What ensued was an argument of sorts as Mom kept telling me she didn't want her anymore. I finally told her that if she didn't accept Petra, that the other option would be less to her liking. It didn't matter what I said as she would not back down with her ranting and raving against Petra. Since I wasn't getting anywhere, I told her I was "hanging up" and proceeded to do so. First time ever that I hung up on Mom! Then I called Pat and let him know of the situation. He called Mom and in the course of the conversation, he let her know that the "other choice" was a nursing home as she is no longer able to take care of herself. He also let her know that we would be chargedwith neglect by Adult Protective Services if we did not make sure she was taken care of by having either a caregiver at home or having her placed in a nursing home - and those were her only choices. She then hung up on him! Pat proceeded to call Dad and informed him of the situation. Fortunately, Dad continues to agree with us on the fact that Mom needs someone to assist in her care. Dad also called Mom and apparently told her that she needed to accept Petra into her home.

Ralph went over on Thursday morning before Petra arrived. Mom would not speak to him, and, in fact, she totally ignored him. She had treated him similarly earlier in the week as he had gone to the house each day to "prepare her" for Petra's arrival. However, on Friday, she was completely different - smiling, calm, and seemingly accepting of the situation. When I went over after school, she was telling me some of the stories Petra had shared with her and speaking of her in a tone of admiration as Petra takes care of a paraplegic man in the afternoons, after she leaves Mom's house. She had also asked Petra for the name of the man so she could pray for him! When Ralph had gone over, she had been equally pleasant, and had asked Ralph to pick up some roast chicken (legs and thighs) at Albertson's. He bought enough for her and Petra and suggested that they have lunch together. I wish I could say that this mood of hers will last, but as we all know she has constant "mood swings", so who's to know how long this change in her will last. On the other hand, the fact that she is taking her Alzheimer medication consistently now might improve her all-around demeanor. We're just taking it "one day at a time".

Meanwhile, we're looking into getting full guardianship - financial and otherwise - so that if we have on-going episodes with Mom, we can take whatever action is needed and do so legally.
Ralph also checked out a facility on the West side of the city - named Desert Springs. He was very impressed with the facility and the quality of care the patients receive. In fact, a woman who was visiting her husband was extremely complimentary of the facility and the people who worked there. It's good to know that it's there if and when the time comes to place her in such a facility.

Oh, and I did survive my first week of returning to teaching - though with all that has been going on with Mom, I wasn't so sure that I could handle her and the job simultaneously!! Ralph has stepped in, however, and he is the one who has dealt with Mom on a daily basis. He's also taking care of having dinner ready when I get home! I am happy to be back in the classroom and am already enjoying the kids - they are more enthusiastic about learning French than I had expected - it's great to see high school kids that are motivated to learn!! Of course, I do have a passion for teaching French - and I suspect that carries over to them!

Just spent 2 days 1 night at the most gorgeous hotel I have ever seen! Lifepoint, the company that owns Memorial, had a leadership conference in Nashville TN on Thursday, and my boss asked me to go with her. Unfortunately it was a very short trip: left Tuesday am at 0800 and arrived in Nashville at 3:00 pm. Had a reception from 5:30-7:30 but left early and hit the sushi bar! The hotel is the Gaylord Opryland and is > 50 acres the rooms surround botanical gardens that include streams of water, fountains and waterfalls. Maybe because we live in a desert, but we were so impressed with all the GREEN. We had to leave the conference on Thursday a few minutes early in order to make our 6:45 flight, much to our dismay. We had tried to get the hospital to let us stay an additional night to no avail--maybe because the rooms were > $200. And because we had to take a late flight, we didn't arrive home until after midnight. That made a very long day. Maybe another time........

anyone planning a trip to Nashville needs to check out this hotel

love ya all

Debbie

From right to left - Anne, Jocelyn, Babette and me. For those of you who don't know her Jocelyn is our French cousin (a few times removed.)

*sigh*

As I said before,I had hoped that this would serve as an easy way for all of my family to stay connected even though we (or some) are separated by such distances. But I guess those I didn't hear anything about will remain in the shadows, maybe they're lurking (reading but not contributing), and that would be okay. I'm interested to know the trivia, you know, what made you laugh today, whose kid/grandkid/nephew/cousin has a new job/car/broken arm....are you following me here? Pictures are nice, of course pictures of something/someone I haven't seen would be nicer. Like, I wonder what Claire's Erin looks like now? Thinking of Claire because her responses on that questionnaire that went around were droll and made me laugh.

Next week the cleaning lady starts! Color me happy.

.....Some more Memories...(Remember when?)

.....More Memories...(Remember ?)

Family Reunions

Yes, you're right, Anne! I should have guessed why it was such a great summer - it was for us, too!! I loved ALL of it - and now that we're back, it seems almost surreal! We packed so much in a relatively short time! Definitely, though, the highlights were the reunions we had with family and friends. I'm glad we were all able to get together in Reims - what fun it was to wander around the streets of the city, just the four of us! Though I'm still sorry that you got stuck with our breakfast bill!!! I got very emotional during our visit in Reims - (I'm sure because I was thinking of how much it's all a part of our family history). I even cried when I said goodbye to Jocelyne and Roger! I grew very fond of them while I was in France last time. Spent time in their vacation home in Bretagne and visited them several times in Reims....they even came to visit me in my tiny hamlet in Monnieres and then took me to La Rochelle. I also enjoyed visiting Colette and her brothers, my colleague Claudine (glad you liked her!), and Francoise and Pierre. By the way, I think it's wonderful that you and Chris get together as often as you do. And, Anne, you were a life-saver for me during the year I was in France - just as you've been to Chris. Your knowledge of European life is/was invaluable!

Family is very important to me, too, Anne, and I do understand how you feel since I also lived far way from the family for a good many years. While I'm on the topic of family, I'm beginning to see more and more the value of having this blog - a space "just for us" to communicate with each other! It's especially comforting to know that we are all here to support each other. So Chris, as Dad would say "this definitely is a winner!" : )

Sunday 02/08/08

Well, gee, I thought that was understood. Of course I 'm referring to Ralph's and your visit. You coming here...then meeting up with the French cousins in Reims (inspite of lesser culinary experiences ;-)and Chris and Emily being there so that I understand why that Philippe referred to it as the "reunion of the cousins"...Again meeting you in Noirmoutier, spending the afternoon there together...the meal, the island...too bad we hadn't coordinated the stop at Amboise. That would have been cool, too, I'm sure.It was all just so great, it measures for me as one of the "tops" of my summers ever. You know, I really am a "family-freak" type.
Maybe because, over all these years, I have not had so many opportunities to take part in vacations- family events etc. that for several of you were so.....normal or natural. I recall quite well, wishing to have be able to take part those summers that you all would spend, with nephews, nieces, mom and dad.. at the lakes of Brownwood(?) or wherever you guys were back then. So, yeah, I am thrilled when these things happen.
I loved that weekend in 2006 that we'd spent in Ruidoso as another example. I don't know how it is for others, I can only speak for me. And I certainly do hope that these kind of things keep "happening" as we all get older and have maybe more time for one another. Anne

Family Blog - comment

So good to see more and more family members posting! This might actually work, Chris!! And, Anne, I would love for you to write why "this was the best summer ever"! We don't need to write only about morose/stressful topics! : )

I am back in school now - kids start on Monday. Surprised to see how excited I am about going back to teaching!! Guess I missed it more than I realized! Yesterday, Ralph came and helped me set up my classroom so today we both have aching muscles! If he hadn't come, I'd have had to go back today (Saturday) as I could never have done it all in one day. Besides three 90 minute classes of French 1, every two weeks or so I will meet with an advisory class - that will give me lots of opportunities to share stuff from the college prep program I developed for NMSU.

I just hope and pray Mom gets used to having Petra with her...it will give me such peace of mind - not to mention how much it will help her!

...Mom And Dad....(Lil' Younger...When? Anyone?...)

....The Staffords Now (Few Years Later?)...

....This to me is much more accurate and I tend to favor this one myself; not to say I don't favor
the other more nostalgic version it does has its' place & importance...I guess what I'm trying to
put across here is that "time does change and so do people" (family here)... Is this not so, my dearest FAMILY members (brothers & sisters)...?
.................................................................................
(Anywho, I wish there was some way to put both of these side-by-side; if you know what I mean... Any suggestions/ideas?)
..................................................................................
PS (We actually look happier here, I think...don't you agree; if I recall right, we were forced
as younger siblings in the other portrait/photo...which wasn't the case here?)
....................................................................................

-Love-
-Bernard-

Hi, I hope this works since I'm not so well versed in the functioning of such here.
When Chris started this, I'd wanted to write about how wonderful this past summer...that's to say, I wanted to "classify" it as one of the best I've ever had since I came to live here.
But now the current events, though none too surprising...well......
I have had a numer of patients(elderly..and a few younger ones,too) who make their family and loved ones lives a hard course to follow. I am currently treating an 86 yr old woman with Alzheimer diagnostic...twice weekly(for just 45min per therapy)and I NEVER know what to expect when I ring the bell. She does have a young and quite pleasant Polish woman who takes care of her(roughly 16 hours a day)....She lets me in. What I'm saying, I've gotten used to it now. Some days Fr. G. will ask me what I want from her(like who are you type thing)and will let me know she doesn't want me there. She stays polite but trys to inch me towards the door,like, nonetheless. Two days later she'll welcome me with a bright smile and afterwards invites me to definitely come back for another"visit".The prescription calls for 20min physical and 20 min braingym(jogging...).So...

I, too, would like to know if Petra is the friend of Monika and is she of German origin such as Monika herself?Is there any way we can be in contact with her? I would like to talk/thank her...even on the phone, if thats the only way...

Robin returns tonight from his 6th "tour" in Sudtirol with the 300+children(ages 5 to 16) from all of our state(financed by the catholic church organization)for the underpriviledged.
For the first time he had a leadership-roll...thats to say, he had to work out the details, the finances, bus reservations etc. along with 2 other adults. Before he was just one of the 20 "chaperones"(Begleiter).I'm anxious to hear how it all went for him this time, of course.
Now I'll try giving dad and mom a ring...its Friday evening over here.

Anne

Amazing, and so sad to read about Mom's behavior. Babette, you write so well, I can "see" the scene exactly. Remember our phone conversation, my concern that Mom wouldn't let Petra in? But I wouldn't have guessed the other tricks. Tell us about Petra. It must be difficult for her. What is her age, background? I hope she has alot of patience!

Last night I sat in a enclosed terrace of a restaurant for dinner with the other dental contractors - four dentists and one hygienist (one other RDH couldn't make it). Spouses (and Emily) were included. It was sweltering hot , but the company was so enjoyable we stayed and chatted for several hours anyway, with the promise to do it again. In a couple of weeks all the clinic staff and families have an outing to an amusement park, I'll be taking Emily (Steve will be in Heidelburg for 4 days). Already I feel this clinic has more of a team atmosphere than the previous, so while I wouldn't normally sign on for an amusement park while dealing with this benign positional vertigo, I'm going. I'll take pictures while the others are on the rides.

More about Mom

Just to let everyone know that when Ralph went to see Mom this morning, she was bathed and dressed, and working on her word puzzles. Her demeanor was calm and pleasant. She asked Ralph when the lady was coming back. Ralph told her that Petra will be back tomorrow (she had a previous appt today), and she asked what would she be doing. Ralph explained that she will be taking care of her and the house. She said "OK." Ralph asked Mom to trust that all of us are doing what is best for her. Her response was "I do trust all of you." Ralph was stunned at the drastic change he saw in her! Who knows how she will be tomorrow when Petra comes at the door - but have no fear, Ralph will be there! He intends to go for as long as it takes for her to get used to the idea that Petra will be there each morning. As for me, I'm back in school now so I'm basically not available except in the evenings and weekends. Let's once again hope and pray that she continues to have this frame of mind...

....This IS a "GOOD Begining"...But...?

...This will work out fine as time goes on...
I just do not like the idea (now,for begining of this)
that this women is alone without someone there already...
What of Ralph, is he able to make a showing ; just be present the days
Babette can't be there to start in the AM...etc.
(maybe 20-30 minutes?)... At least for next 30 days 'til the
"patch/medication" kicks back in...

I firmly believe it's pertinent that there's someone there to, if nothing more, remind Mom this is an on-going assistance program for her...

Maybe if this can't be done daily; maybe every other day, until Mom
understands what's happening here is "here to stay"....

In a case like this firmness; persistence (patience) is the key to being successful in all we want to accomplish here, right...?

-Love...
-Bernard- :o)

Petra - Day 2

Well, my euphoria was short-lived as Mom pulled a slick move this morning. We arrived at the door just as Petra drove up so we entered the house together. I walked to the living room and told Mom I was here with Petra. She jumped up with a wad of $20. bills in her hands and said "I made a mistake. I needed to tell the lady not to come today. Here's the money for the work she did yesterday (she had at least $100. in her hand). I don't need her today, and besides, I'm throwing up and I'm sick so I don't want her here". She showed me her pan in which did indeed have the breakfast (cereal) which she had just eaten and had thrown up! I felt she had planned this whole scenario and this was going to be her excuse for not having Petra come in. I told her that her being sick was exactly the reason she needed Petra there, that I could no longer stay with her as I was starting back to school and that she could not stay alone. I had to repeat all of these reasons several times before she finally gave up. She then sat down, put her head in her hands and looked extremely distraught - her plan had completely failed! I do believe she makes herself sick as she was OK the rest of the morning (according to Petra) and, in fact, even ate some lunch. She did not respond to Petra's attempt to give her medication at first, but finally did in the course of the morning.

It looks like she will make it as hard on all of us as she possibly can as she is vehemently against having someone stay with her (unless that person is a family member, of course). And I fully expect her to continue this behavior for some time...the sad thing is if she doesn't cooperate, the next step will be placing her in a facility as she does not take care of herself nor does she take care of the house.

I asked Ralph today why he thought we had to go through all of this - is it because there a lesson or two to be learned? Well, obviously there is - as none of us want to end up our years in Mom's condition or frame or mind. While she does have a disease, much of it seems to be her refusal to face life - and does all she can to escape from reality (such as making herself sick). Of course, a big part of this is the fact that she hasn't been changing her patches, and the medication seems to have worn off. As Debbie says in her post, it will take a month or so for it to kick in again.

We do need patience, prayers and perseverance!

Chris you are so 21st century! this is a great idea........

Thanks to Babette, maybe we can turn some small corner with Mom. I believe the entire reason for her regression this month can be traced to her not using the Exelon patch every day this month. This medication has a cumulative effect. She was doing so well in June and I never saw her unhappy during that time. It will take take a month to make up the ground that was lost, but the medication should kick in within weeks with diligent oversight of her meds. Having Petra checking her meds will help since this is something that has to be done every single day.

Hope she's more accepting of the home health nurse and PT

Debbie

Mom - cont'd

Forgot to add that Mom is fine now! She no longer has stomach problems - and in fact could not remember that she had had any! Doctor has given her another follow-up appt but not for two weeks. We don't' yet have the results of the ultrasound. However, she looked well today - better than she has for over a week! She had also gained 5 pounds since her appt on Friday - water weight, no doubt. We had gotten her Gatorade - as suggested by the doctor - to help replace the electrolytes - vitamins and minerals - she had lost when she was vomiting.

Mom's new caregiver

Here's a quick description of how the first day went with Mom's caregiver, Petra. She got to Mom's early (at 8:45 a.m.) and since I wasn't expecting her to be there until 9 a.m., I hadn't gotten to Mom's yet. I did call her, however, and she told me she was already at Mom's but Mom would not let her in the house! Yikes!! I got over there as fast as I could, and both Petra (who had been left outdoors while Mom went back to her chair in the living room) and I entered the house. Mom immediately said she hadn't requested a caregiver, so I once again (as I had done several times since last week) explained to her why she needed a caregiver. After a good 20 minutes discussion, she finally relented but made it clear that she was angry about this turn of events. While I was showing Petra around the house, Dad called. Mom immediately told him that she was "not a happy camper" as she had been told she was totally incompetent (not true of course) and that "Babette had brought some lady into the house", etc etc. Lo and behold, Dad did not take her side! He also proceeded to explain to her why she needed help at home. Mom was very disconcerted, but she finally quieted down and became somewhat subdued. I then left the house and came back just before 1 p.m. to take Mom to her follow-up Dr's appt. Petra told me that she had become somewhat more agreeable during the morning. In any case, Petra busied herself with cleaning the house - as there is much to do! I had done some cleaning during the past few days but the house has been neglected so much that the entire house does indeed need thorough cleaning. Petra also gave her lunch and by that time, Mom had finally begun communicating with her. At the doctor's office, she asked me repeatedly if "the lady" was coming back tomorrow. She also asked repeatedly if the lady was still at her house. She is very confused - but we do believe that this is partly due to her not changing her Alzheimer patch regularly.
I found that out when I began counting them and realized she had not used enough of them during the month of July.

Tomorrow, I will once again "show up" around 9 a.m. just as Petra arrives - just in case Mom gives her a hard time about coming into the house.

By the way, I did write up an agreement for Mom, Dad, Petra, Pat and me to sign. So far, only Petra and I have signed it. I will try to get Mom and Dad's signature on Sunday when they are both together. Petra plans to be there, too, so Dad can meet her.

Will keep you posted on how it goes the rest of the week. Even though I won't be there, I'll keep in touch with Petra and she can give me a report each day. She's also keeping a journal where she is writing down the events that occur during her time with Mom.

I've sent invitations to those whose email addresses were sent to me: Deniz, Selim, Claire, Michelle, and I included Robin because altho' he may not be comfortable posting in English I'm sure he can read and might like to keep up with the rest of his family. I hope they all feel free to just say hello, and no points off for grammar or spelling mistakes, I promise!

Had my first day of work, but mostly did nothing as the Army people weren't ready to get started with the inprocessing chore. Fine by me, but makes for a long day. The physical facility is nice, they gave me a private operatory instead of one in the open bay, which I appreciate.

The plans for all the caretakers for Mom sounds good.

What a great idea this is!

Thanks, Chris, for getting this going. For me, it will be a real "gift" - as I get to share and receive thoughts and reflections about all that is happening to us as a family. Believe me, with what I've been going through this past week, having a "place" where I know I'm supported and can "vent" when I need to -all I can say is this could not have come at a better time! It will also help poor Ralph, as I sometimes take out my frustrations on him...but that's another story! LOL

Pat, I so appreciate what you shared in your post. Your perspective mirrors mine. I have resisted being fully involved in all of Mom's needs as I, too, have been "put off" by her attitude. Thank you for reminding me of the way things were with Mom. I need to remember that this is not the Mom I grew up with - and that so much of who she is now is caused by the disease she now has.

Since Thursday, I have taken on Mom's care almost around the clock. She has definitely been in her "helpless mode" - partly from the stomach problems she's having (and I tend to agree with Debbie - much of it seems to be caused by the amount of stress and anxiety she feels). Yesterday, she was in her chair sleeping (as she so often does) each time I came in to the house. The first time I came, I busied myself with doing her laundry, changing her bedsheets, general cleaning of the kitchen and bathroom, and then getting her lunch ready - and she responded very little other than to thank me. Later, I came back to prepare her for the initial "admissions visit" from the Home Heath Care nurse. She at first resisted ("Why do I need THAT?"). When I reminded her the doctor had prescribed it, she quieted down. I also let her know that the nurse who was coming was a male nurse. She gave her customary "What? A MALE nurse?" in her aghast tone of voice. I told her that there are males who are nurses. Well, guess what! She warmed up to him after a while and started joking with him. When I told her there were a lot of birds feeding on the bird seed (which had fallen from its pouch on the tree), she came out of her chair to see them. My, my --- what a change of demeanor, and in a relatively short time! The nurse was there almost two hours so by the time he left, it was around 6:30 so I made her dinner and sat with her while she ate. (by the way, she actually requested a bowl of soup with toast - she's decided she likes soup after I had fed her soup at our house after her doctor's appt on Friday). This coming week she will be dealing with a weekly nurse visit, a physical therapist twice a week, and the caregiver (Petra) who will be coming in nearly every day for four hours. Let's hope she doesn't resist too much!! Will keep everyone posted on how the week pans out...

By the way, who uploaded the photo? It's also one of my favorites...