When our daughter was born, one of the many changes I experienced was the awareness of death. I felt death as real as her new life. I know, weird. I didn't think of death 13 years later when I totalled the car. That would be a normal reaction. No, it was the beginning of life that made me know death. But my father is dying. I know he'll be gone, but I don't feel it. Why, when I should feel that as real, don't I? I don't understand how this works. He is a part of me, so when he leaves will a part of me be gone, too? I will just keep his memory, I won't let him go. I love you Daddy.

Gave the dog his bath and poodle clip this morning. Couldn't face another painful session of me being on the floor with him in the tub, so put him in the kitchen sink! He barely fit, and much of the water ended up on the floor. My shoulders/neck have been hurting for a few weeks, and I'm still not doing any yoga. I guess I'm going for "whatever doesn't kill me, strengthens me." So the kitchen floor got washed too. He does look pretty good, but the little guy was exhausted by the time I finished. Too much excitement. Taking advantage of my spring cleaning mode, I took literally a carload of clothes to the charity box. The stuff my chunky hubby can't fit into anymore, but was hanging onto anyway. I have to give him credit for being so optimistic. But it's more than that. Some of that stuff dates back to thirty years or so. And even weirder, our daughter is just like him in that way. I have to wait for them to be asleep or out of town to clear out the stuff. It's not like they really want the stuff, they just can't give it up. I'm too tired to go a round with the nature vs. nuture debate. Anyway, why bother? It's genetic!

Let's try this...

Is it wrong to feel I need to put some of these random thoughts somewhere that can be found again, hopefully to help me when I can't remember ... what was I saying? Hmm, I don't think I have something to contribute to humanity, nor will this blog likely to provide amusement for anyone. We'll see how it develops, but right now so many ideas and people and events are accumulating in my life I need to open the window and air out some of them.