Although surveys show that 90 percent of Americans hope to die at home, only 20 percent get their wish. The majority die in hospitals. Only 17 percent die in hospices, where the focus of care is on keeping the patient comfortable rather than on prolonging life.
I just want to put it out there that, after reading a few stories of families who couldn't agree when the time for medical intervention is at an end, I would like to know that we all will stand together and allow our parents' their wish for a peaceful passing. I can think of nothing worse than conflict between us during such a time. I open the door now to your comments, please.
5 comments:
I'm with you, Chris. For the most part (and I am ever grateful for this), we have been united as a family regarding Mom and Dad's health and the care they need. I've heard stories, too, in which families have fallen apart over conflicts dealing with parent's care-giving needs, and end of life issues. I don't foresee that happening with us as to this point, we've been supportive of each other. In addition, Mom and Dad have signed a DNR form which we need to honor, of course.
The trick is knowing when to say no, isn't it? Dad has been admitted to hospitals what, two, three times this year? Each time his health has improved and he has been discharged. So, next time he falls ill, should we admit him or leave him in the foster home with hospice? If he could improve to the point of again being able to leave the hospital one more time, with the use of IV antibiotics and respiratory therapy, would that justify the admission? Of course, we know that if he were to be hospitalized again, we would not approve that he be intubated if IV therapy proved to be inadequate to turn the tide. There's one line drawn.
If we could crystal ball whether or not hospitalization would turn the tide, then deciding whether to hospitalize would be much easier. How intensive the nursing care offered by hospice is has yet to be determined. So, unless it was abundantly clear that he would not survive a hospitalization, at this point I, for one, would still opt for hospitalization. If it became abundantly clear that he was not going to survive the hospitalization (not sure how timely one could determine that), then I would try to bring him back to the foster home, or even to his own home, to breathe his last breath (again, the latter would depend upon how intensive hospice nursing care can be - yet to be determined).
Another likely scenario, Dad is hospitalized with pneumonia. The stress of the illness, the hospitalization, his CHF & COPD, result in a heart attack brought on by a simple bout of coughing. Do we allow the hospital staff to resuscitate? Simple answer: No. Dad has signed and made clear that he is to be listed as "DNR" - do not resuscitate.
So, I guess the answer is pretty much like medicine: some of it is black and white and some of it is art
Yes, specifically, I agree with hospitalization and IV therapy as needed. Yes to respiratory therapy, but no to the respirator, as well as resuscitation for cardiac arrest. No to tube feeding. I don't know if I'm leaving anything out. I guess some things will have to be decided as they come up. I spoke to Debbie about calling the Red Cross if we need to be flying there quickly. I believe they can pave the way for us to get approval to leave here the fastest.
...I too agree that we should honor Mom & Dad's wishes no matter how hard it might be for "us" to swallow...
(If it were me I'd want the same for all else to follow,
...of course.)
I hope there are no problems from any of us in this area...
-Love To All-
-Bernard- :)
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The way I feel about my own life and aging and I have repeatedly said so...agreed, my feelings are based on the"suffering" I have seen some patients go through at old age and after strokes...I, personally, do not want a "pro"longed life just because it is medically possible to do. THerefore I cannot conceive anything which would"keep" mom and dad alive...just for the "fact of that"to live....
I hesitate as it is thinking about mom when her health side remains"good" but her mind near or completely gone! And I know the road taken will be just nature's own! And yet, I am very saddened by that prospect of it all. On the other hand I know that research is doing tremendous things just now in respect to Alzheimer and so it may not have to come to that.
And as for dad, I don't want him(nor mom either) to have to suffer any long-term pain!So I'm agreeing with everyone and realize too that it will not be an easy thing and most certainly I hardly beleive that anyone will be able to foresee one way or another whether this or that will be the turn. I have heard it often enough that the doctors can't always predict an outcome of a treatment either.
I 'm not the praying type really, but I do hope we will be guided nonetheless when confronted with any major decisions.
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