Got home from school on Wednesday and Ralph told me that Mom had just called and asked to talk to me. Before I could dial her number, she called and immediately stated that I was to call Petra and tell her not to come again because 'she had reproached her about not bathing" and she was not going to accept that from a "maid"(it turns out that Petra had merely asked her if she had bathed this week). I told her that Petra is a caregiver - not a maid, and that if she was reminding her about bathing, then she was doing her job. Mom said she still wanted me to call her because she didn't want her at the house anymore. I told her since we had ALL signed an agreement ( Dad, Mom, Pat, Petra and me), that we all had to agree to any changes in the agreement. She said she did not know of any such agreement. I told her I had a copy of it and it had been signed last Sunday when we were at the house with Dad. What ensued was an argument of sorts as Mom kept telling me she didn't want her anymore. I finally told her that if she didn't accept Petra, that the other option would be less to her liking. It didn't matter what I said as she would not back down with her ranting and raving against Petra. Since I wasn't getting anywhere, I told her I was "hanging up" and proceeded to do so. First time ever that I hung up on Mom! Then I called Pat and let him know of the situation. He called Mom and in the course of the conversation, he let her know that the "other choice" was a nursing home as she is no longer able to take care of herself. He also let her know that we would be chargedwith neglect by Adult Protective Services if we did not make sure she was taken care of by having either a caregiver at home or having her placed in a nursing home - and those were her only choices. She then hung up on him! Pat proceeded to call Dad and informed him of the situation. Fortunately, Dad continues to agree with us on the fact that Mom needs someone to assist in her care. Dad also called Mom and apparently told her that she needed to accept Petra into her home.
Ralph went over on Thursday morning before Petra arrived. Mom would not speak to him, and, in fact, she totally ignored him. She had treated him similarly earlier in the week as he had gone to the house each day to "prepare her" for Petra's arrival. However, on Friday, she was completely different - smiling, calm, and seemingly accepting of the situation. When I went over after school, she was telling me some of the stories Petra had shared with her and speaking of her in a tone of admiration as Petra takes care of a paraplegic man in the afternoons, after she leaves Mom's house. She had also asked Petra for the name of the man so she could pray for him! When Ralph had gone over, she had been equally pleasant, and had asked Ralph to pick up some roast chicken (legs and thighs) at Albertson's. He bought enough for her and Petra and suggested that they have lunch together. I wish I could say that this mood of hers will last, but as we all know she has constant "mood swings", so who's to know how long this change in her will last. On the other hand, the fact that she is taking her Alzheimer medication consistently now might improve her all-around demeanor. We're just taking it "one day at a time".
Meanwhile, we're looking into getting full guardianship - financial and otherwise - so that if we have on-going episodes with Mom, we can take whatever action is needed and do so legally.
Ralph also checked out a facility on the West side of the city - named Desert Springs. He was very impressed with the facility and the quality of care the patients receive. In fact, a woman who was visiting her husband was extremely complimentary of the facility and the people who worked there. It's good to know that it's there if and when the time comes to place her in such a facility.
Oh, and I did survive my first week of returning to teaching - though with all that has been going on with Mom, I wasn't so sure that I could handle her and the job simultaneously!! Ralph has stepped in, however, and he is the one who has dealt with Mom on a daily basis. He's also taking care of having dinner ready when I get home! I am happy to be back in the classroom and am already enjoying the kids - they are more enthusiastic about learning French than I had expected - it's great to see high school kids that are motivated to learn!! Of course, I do have a passion for teaching French - and I suspect that carries over to them!
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All that I can think to say is thank you. All of you for what you are doing and putting up with. God Bless you all. I so hope that the regular meds will make a real difference in those mood swings!
"High Five" Babette for getting the courage to hang up on Mom's rant. None of us wants you to allow yourself to be abused. Do you feel you have enough "go to" people when you feel the situation is out of control (Patrick,or a social worker)?
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